I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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