i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
