If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
