I just cut my nipple shaving
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I could fuck to npr.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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