My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
