I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
