Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
