She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
