real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
