I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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