Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Randomize
