Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
