too bad you live with your parents still
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
