my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
