My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
