My friends, they love my intelligence
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
