I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
