Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Found your dick twin last night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
