We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I've blown a few things in my day
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
