he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
