What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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