Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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