Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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