i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
