dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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