You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
