Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
