the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
