i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
