I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
