You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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