i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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