Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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