those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
