I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
