She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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