I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
