This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
