I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
