the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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