Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
