It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
