I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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