Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
