Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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