you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
