I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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