Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
