one might say we're banned from that church
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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