I need help removing her.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
