So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
