Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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