ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
