Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
