she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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