After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
