and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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