I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
